Home Work Blog Side Quests
Open to freelance work
Petition No. VNI-001 · Filed by M. Patel · Addressed to Vani · Open for signature

You do not look homeless.

A public petition concerning one (1) photograph of one (1) ID card, and the immediate retraction of the phrase “i look homeless gng”. We text every single day. You have told me things you have not told anyone. And yet this one small rectangle remains classified. The petitioner has already submitted his own exhibit, unedited, in good faith, and looks considerably worse. Sign below.

49 of 50 signatures

One signature short. It is you. It has always been you.

  1. ENTRY 01

    The petitioner goes first

    Exhibit B — one photograph of the petitioner’s own ID card — submitted voluntarily, unprompted, and without a single filter. Taken at eight in the morning by a man who did not say “ready”. The petitioner looks like a police sketch of himself drawn from a description given by an enemy.

  2. ENTRY 02

    The respondent issues a finding

    Rather than reciprocate, the respondent reviewed her own photograph and released the following statement, in full:

    “i look homeless gng” — Vani, on the record, about herself “you look good… and you know it gng 😭” — me, immediately, every single time you say that

    The petitioner notes for the record that this is a finding about her own photograph, not his, which somehow makes it worse.

  3. ENTRY 03

    The petitioner disputes this in the strongest available terms

    You do not. You have never. Not in that photo, not in the one before it, not in the one you deleted before anyone saw it. The characterisation is unsupported by evidence, and the only way to settle the matter conclusively is to produce the evidence.

  4. ENTRY 04

    The exhibit was never actually attached

    Which the petitioner is choosing to read as an oversight rather than a decision, and which is the specific gap this petition exists to close.

Therefore the undersigned respectfully demand the release of Exhibit A, and the withdrawal of that sentence.

“I really do look homeless in it though.”

Overruled, twice. Once because it isn’t true, and once because you cannot be both the accused and the judge in the same proceeding. That’s what the fifty of us are for.

“Why do you even want it?”

Under review. The petitioner built a petition rather than answer this directly, which should tell you roughly everything you need to know.

“It’s a privacy thing.”

Completely fair, and honestly the correct instinct. Cover the number, cover the address, cover everything except the photo and the haircut you had that year. That was always the only part under discussion.

“Send yours first.”

Already done, see Entry 01. You are objecting to a term the petitioner surrendered before the petition existed, which in most courts is considered a very strong sign of things going his way.

  1. The recipient shall react with exactly one (1) message, and not with eleven consecutive messages, no matter how strongly he feels.
  2. No screenshots, no forwards, no group chats, no exceptions, no clever loophole involving a second phone.
  3. The photograph may be described as “not that bad”. It may not be described as “cute” out loud, because you would never let that go and both of us know it.
  4. The word “homeless” is retired from this topic permanently, effective on release.
  5. Consent is revocable instantly, permanently, and without explanation, by saying literally anything at all.
  6. This document carries no legal weight of any kind. Neither, at this stage of proceedings, does the petitioner’s dignity.
Add your name

Fifty signatures and this becomes binding.

It does not become binding. Nothing here becomes binding. But there are forty-nine names on this page already and exactly one gap left in the list, and it would be strange to leave it there.

Goes no further than this browser. There is no server behind this.

Nothing on this page is uploaded, stored on a server, or sent anywhere. Your name is written into this browser’s local storage and read back the next time you open the page, which is the least threatening thing a form has ever done.

  1. M. Patel 14 Aug · 02:41 IST Petitioner. Heavily biased. Signature should probably not count, and yet.
  2. Everyone who has ever stood against a blue wall 14 Aug · 02:44 IST Collective signature. We were all told not to smile. None of us look like ourselves.
  3. The photographer 14 Aug · 09:12 IST Maintains it was a good shot. Concedes he did not say “ready”. Signs anyway.
  4. Your 2019 haircut 14 Aug · 11:30 IST Has a direct personal stake in the outcome and refuses to recuse itself.
  5. Enrolment Centre No. 402, Bharuch 14 Aug · 16:08 IST Neutral party. Professionally obligated to state that the photo is within tolerance.
  6. Four people in a group chat 15 Aug · 00:19 IST Shown the photo without consent. All four objected to the word. One asked for her number.
  7. The bench 15 Aug · 01:02 IST Recused itself on grounds of bias, then signed anyway on grounds of it being true.

Petition No. VNI-001 stays open indefinitely, which is a formal way of saying I’ll bring it up again tomorrow, and the day after, and you already knew that when you opened this.